She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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