i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Barsexuality is the new black.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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