I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We need to rekindle our bromance
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
