Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
