pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
