talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
