She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
