My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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