Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
