My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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