I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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