that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
