it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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