dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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