apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
