I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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