i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
