Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
