girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
