Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I deserve this hangover.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
