Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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