I got chris browned last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
