Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
