I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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