Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
