I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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