Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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