Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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