This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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