Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish my penis had a tongue
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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