I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
