Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
