Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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