accomplished twins. life is a go
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
