I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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