About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
