Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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