I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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