i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
