I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
