this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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