I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
