Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
