My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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