This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
