White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
