Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
