All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
