so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
