who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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