How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
