SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
